Grocery Store Humorists Gifts

Potted meats section.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'The stuff legends are made of'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'Yes?'

Low income vampires.

Free Range / Deranged

That was 16 items.

Self Checkout

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

'Well, it all tastes like the same old crap to me,'

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

'This could be a new record!'

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

Animal Crackers. All the animals in this box are dinosaurs! Better check the expiration date!

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Organic Broccoli. . . Pimped Out Broccoli.

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

Grocery store ruins a cart drivers attempt to motivate his horse.

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

"Do you sell 'food'?"

"Hey, wait - I think we're supposed to put stuff in a cart."

"Wake up Mrs. Jones. You're sleep shopping again."

'One case of body wash. Will there be anything else?

Greengrocer selling rotten fruit for a political rally.

"My milk is gonna spoil if I stand here any longer."