Grocery Humorists Gifts

'Mmm mmm mhh, what a bunch of lookers. Why back in the day...'

'Is this going to take long ?...I only came in for a loaf of bread.'

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

'The stuff legends are made of'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

The mushroom pickers

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

'Yes?'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

Low income vampires.

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

Free Range / Deranged

Self Checkout

That was 16 items.

Holy Pizza

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

Man eating a bad oyster

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

'This could be a new record!'

Animal Crackers. All the animals in this box are dinosaurs! Better check the expiration date!