Gourmet Humorists Gifts

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'The Burrito King.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

A Club Sandwitch.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

Cat eats date.

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'