Gourmet Humor Fan Gifts

'Poodle again? But we just had that for lunch.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Filet minion

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

"I like my steak well done."

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'He's cured.'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

Road Kill Cafe.

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

The mushroom pickers

'So this is a kitchen!'

"What will change my life?"

All our meals digest easily forming a soft, mushy stool with just a hint of acridity.

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

"Some volcano roll!"

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

"Fancy a take-a-way tonight ?"

The Cheese God

Holy Pizza

'Spaghetti dinner. Hold the garlic bread.'