Humorous Gourmet Gifts

'What...and you take the plunge to call this a gourmet restaurant??!'

Christmas canape?

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'The Burrito King.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'No, we don't have any tuna FISH, but we do have salmon FISH, trout FISH, and catfish FISH.'

"I like my steak well done."

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

Gingerbread man sits at desk marked food editor