Humorous Gourmet Pillows

'What...and you take the plunge to call this a gourmet restaurant??!'

Christmas canape?

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'The Burrito King.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

Where Deviled Eggs come from

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Gingerbread man sits at desk marked food editor

"I like my steak well done."

'No, we don't have any tuna FISH, but we do have salmon FISH, trout FISH, and catfish FISH.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

'Do you want toast with that?'