Humor Gourmet Pillows

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

"I like my steak well done."

Good Cop, Bad Cop, Rice-A-Roni

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

Stand back - while I whip something up

'The stuff legends are made of'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

The mushroom pickers

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"What will change my life?"

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

'Nice Touch!'

"Some volcano roll!"

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

That was 16 items.

Holy Pizza

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."