Comedy Gourmet Gifts

Railtrack Canteen Menu

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

"I like my steak well done."

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

Stand back - while I whip something up

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

Loyd Grossman

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

The mushroom pickers

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

'It's all made by stateless people, wanderers, nomads, whose only anchor is cheese.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'Nice Touch!'

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

"Some volcano roll!"

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'