Gourmet Comedy Fan Gifts

'This is the fourth dog they've had this year.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

"I like my steak well done."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

Road Kill Cafe.

The mushroom pickers

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

Cedric instantly regretted 'pumping up the jam...'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

"Say hello to my little friend!"

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

"Some volcano roll!"

JERRY SPRINGER'S GUESTS TODAY

Russian eggs.

"With this table monitor, you can watch the chefs prepare your meal. Look, another slice of frozen lasagna being microwaved."

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."