Culinary Comedic Fan Gifts

"Fancy a take-a-way tonight ?"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

Filet minion

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'He's cured.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

'We need more cake shows!'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"