Culinary Comic Fan Gifts

'Aw, cool! Look! They got us a hot tub!'

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

". . . and then, Iceberg goes, 'you know a LOT of people really like just a lettuce and tomato sandwich!', I literally spit out my drink!"

'Hey! My Chili is Chilly!' 'I'll add some Chilies!'

"150' isn't bad, but just to be safe, 165' is better."

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

'What price range did you have in mind?'

Funeral with Special Sauce

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"As we consign the body of our good friend, Bill the baker..."

"There'll be a slight delay. The chef's been attacked by a blue jay."

Lesser Known Pasta Shapes

'I've changed my mind.'

"Well, the crazy bastards went ahead and did it... they wrapped it in bacon."

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

"Thanks for having us. And you, Carol, be sure to Google ‘common mistakes cooking pasta.’"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Night of the Latkes

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Thou Shalt Not!

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Onion operation.

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Amy Sedaris

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'