Culinary Comics Fan Gifts

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"According to its DNA, your meatloaf is from an unknown species."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Thou Shalt Not!

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Onion operation.

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Amy Sedaris

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Bottomless bowl of soup

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

"What fly?"

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'

"Is the slop fresh?"

'Mine was stone cold.'