Culinary Comic Fan Pillows

'Aw, cool! Look! They got us a hot tub!'

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

". . . and then, Iceberg goes, 'you know a LOT of people really like just a lettuce and tomato sandwich!', I literally spit out my drink!"

'Hey! My Chili is Chilly!' 'I'll add some Chilies!'

"150' isn't bad, but just to be safe, 165' is better."

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

Frog feeding frenzy.

'What price range did you have in mind?'

Funeral with Special Sauce

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"As we consign the body of our good friend, Bill the baker..."

"There'll be a slight delay. The chef's been attacked by a blue jay."

Lesser Known Pasta Shapes

'I've changed my mind.'

'Sorry general, but this is a four star restaurant.'

"Well, the crazy bastards went ahead and did it... they wrapped it in bacon."

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

"Thanks for having us. And you, Carol, be sure to Google ‘common mistakes cooking pasta.’"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Thou Shalt Not!

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'