Culinary Comic Fanatic Pillows

'This the plan...we will make the clients think that there is a contest, and the winner will be the first one who finds a finger in the soup.'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Thou Shalt Not!

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Onion operation.

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Amy Sedaris

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

'You caught 'em. You clean 'em.'

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

'Mine was stone cold.'

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'

"Is the slop fresh?"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"What fly?"