Culinary Comedy Fanatic Pillows

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"States of tofu"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Soup of the month.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"That's it. We’re toast."

Chez Nous Menu

6 Brothers Falafel

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Wok. Don't Wok.

"Ninja bread men"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Cookbooks

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

"Would you like some wings?"

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."