Culinary Comedic Fan Pillows

"Fancy a take-a-way tonight ?"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Filet minion

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

'We need more cake shows!'