Food Comedy Fan Pillows

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Filet minion

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Lockdown casserole

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Better Not Squash.

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Murderous Chef

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

'He's cured.'

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

Road Kill Cafe.

'So this is a kitchen!'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'