Culinary Comic Fanatic Gifts

'This the plan...we will make the clients think that there is a contest, and the winner will be the first one who finds a finger in the soup.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Night of the Latkes

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Thou Shalt Not!

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

Onion operation.

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Amy Sedaris

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

'You caught 'em. You clean 'em.'

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

"Is the slop fresh?"

'For Heaven's sake Son, you're embarassing me! This is a feeding frenzy!'

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"What fly?"

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'