Comedic Culinary Fan Gifts

'Please help yourselves to the salad bar, folks.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

'Do you want toast with that?'

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Road Kill Cafe.

Cafe offers corn several ways.

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

'Aw, cool! Look! They got us a hot tub!'

Dessert Storm Veteran

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

"With this table monitor, you can watch the chefs prepare your meal. Look, another slice of frozen lasagna being microwaved."

Cedric instantly regretted 'pumping up the jam...'

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

"Fancy a take-a-way tonight ?"

The Cheese God

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

'Waiter, please bring that glass of water soon.'

"Hate to break it to you, buddy, but I'm your better in every way - spicier, zestier, more fun, and Latino."

'Sorry general, but this is a four star restaurant.'

"Pepper spray?"

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"