Comedic Foodie Gifts

'Offering fresh broccoli and cauliflower is a great idea, but it's created a thriving black market in fatty cheese sauce.'

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."

'Do you want toast with that?'

"Does the lack of exercise and dieting make me look fat?"

'All you can eat, burgers.'

'A candy bar and cheese crackers? You call that a balanced lunch?'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

'It's better when you wear the 3D glasses.'

"Check, please."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

The Witches Discover The Wok

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'It counts as one of your five portions a day.'

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

Beard helper

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

Dessert Storm Veteran

Conchiglie

'Half mushroom and half plankton!'

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

Frozen Fish