Comedic Cook Gifts

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

"It's right when you think it's done, but it's not done, that it's most dangerous."

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

"Here's to another Lag B'Omer of eating meat that is burnt on the outside and raw on the inside, with our faces blackened by smoke!"

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

"More helium."

'Do you want toast with that?'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

Beard helper

Dessert Storm Veteran

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

Frozen Fish

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

'All you can eat, burgers.'

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Cat looking up fish recipes.

Salsa on a Stick.

'Letting you pick up the check will help you stay on your diet.'

Chinese noodles.