Comedic Cooking Gifts

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Do you want toast with that?'

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"I can't get the blasted tin opener to work."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

Beard helper

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

Dessert Storm Veteran

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Chicken A La King

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

Frozen Fish

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

'All you can eat, burgers.'

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Salsa on a Stick.

Our Village Industrial Competition.

When your trainer said stretching is a key component of your new fitness program, she wasn't talking about your stomach!

Chinese noodles.

'Letting you pick up the check will help you stay on your diet.'

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!