Comedic Dining Enthusiast Gifts

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Do you want toast with that?'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

Our Troubled Chowders

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

'Shall I bring two children's meals, or will Madam regurgitate her own?'

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

Chernobyl Chow

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

Salad Hat

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Dessert Storm Veteran

Beard helper

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

"Have you folks eaten here before, or shall I explain the concept?"

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

Frozen Fish

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

'All you can eat, burgers.'

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

"What kind of mod are you in? Sit Down or All You Can Eat From The Trough?"

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.