Comedic Food Connoisseur Gifts

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

'Just sausage, ham and burger. . . No pepperoni with they way my upset stomach is. . . Oh, and order the heart-shaped pan pizza so I can keep the heart-shaped pan for makin' pan brownies.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I come here for the pepper."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Full English Breakfast.

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Regular service or affected?"

Sale on Bathing Suits, One Size Fits None.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'Choose, Fenster

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

'Wine represents all things civilized. It's an artistic expression, a manifestation of cultural enlightenment...'

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

'It's Blurred.'

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"We're gonna need a bigger comic."

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!