Comedic Diner Gifts

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"What kind of mod are you in? Sit Down or All You Can Eat From The Trough?"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'I think I'll go home and eat'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'The customer is always right...'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"The usual."

'This is my kind of Chinese...A chocolate double fudge fortune cookie!'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"Linguini for two?"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"