Humorous Diner Gifts

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"What fly?"

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

'What's the special?'

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

"I'm sorry, sir. That's the children's menu."

"Hunger is an illusion. I'll have a zenwich."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'Sunnyside down.'

'Today's specials are some wonderful things the chef does with 'Hungry Man Dinners'.'

'I'm sorry, but you can't take the leftovers home. They're all newly-patented items, and cannot leave the premises.'

'You call this slop'

'I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, and this is Hugo, my insanely jealous boyfriend.'

'Better keep an eye on that guy.'

'His claim to fame is that he's carbon-neutral.'