Diner With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"What fly?"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'Just bring us your best beers-all of 'em.'

'It's called Les Restes. It's French for leftovers.'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"I'm sorry, sir. That's the children's menu."

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'Yes, I'd like something to wash this wine down with!'

'Is everything O.K.?'

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'