Joke-loving Diner Gifts

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"What fly?"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"Can I get you your bill sir?"

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

"I'm sorry, sir. That's the children's menu."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'Sunnyside down.'

"Who ordered the eviscerated mouse carcass?"

'This place is a tip.'

'Today's specials are some wonderful things the chef does with 'Hungry Man Dinners'.'

'I'm sorry, but you can't take the leftovers home. They're all newly-patented items, and cannot leave the premises.'

DAVE'S DINER, 'Well, you heard wrong, pal - We serve TERRE Haute cuisine here.'

'I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, and this is Hugo, my insanely jealous boyfriend.'

'Better keep an eye on that guy.'