Joke-loving Diner Gifts

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"What fly?"

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

"Can I get you your bill sir?"

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"I'm sorry, sir. That's the children's menu."

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

'Sunnyside down.'

'This place is a tip.'

"Who ordered the eviscerated mouse carcass?"

'I'm sorry, but you can't take the leftovers home. They're all newly-patented items, and cannot leave the premises.'

'I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, and this is Hugo, my insanely jealous boyfriend.'

'Better keep an eye on that guy.'

DAVE'S DINER, 'Well, you heard wrong, pal - We serve TERRE Haute cuisine here.'

'The food's pretty bad here, but we make up for it with especially large portions.'

"But I ordered vegetarian..."