Diner With A Taste For Laughter Gifts

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"What fly?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

"I'm sorry, sir. That's the children's menu."

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'Yes, I'd like something to wash this wine down with!'

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

'Just bring us your best beers-all of 'em.'