Diner With A Taste For Laughter T-Shirts

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"What fly?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

"I'm sorry, sir. That's the children's menu."

'Yes, I'd like something to wash this wine down with!'

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

Please note that our menu items have changed. For starters, press or say 1. For main courses, press or say 2. For desserts, ..........'