Diners With A Sense Of Humor T-Shirts

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"What fly?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

'It's called Les Restes. It's French for leftovers.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'