Fans Of Humorous Dining Experiences T-Shirts

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Lunch Broker

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

'What's the special?'

'The house wine sir.'

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

'Sorry, smile's off...'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

"Who ordered the eviscerated mouse carcass?"

'No, the fish isn't battered - the cook just roughs it up a bit!'

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

'If she says I could have cooked this for half the price - the pasta goes over her head.'

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

'You call this slop'

"Is the rabbit cute?"

'My name is Angel. No relation to the angel hair pasta.'

"Hold on, some guy is trying to talk me about soup."

'The dish of the day madam? He's sitting by the window. He's 32, single, and runs a very successful art gallery.'