Laugh-loving Diner Gifts

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"What fly?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

'There's a chandelier in my soup.'

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

"I'm sorry, sir. That's the children's menu."

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

'Today's specials are some wonderful things the chef does with 'Hungry Man Dinners'.'

'Sunnyside down.'

'This place is a tip.'

"Who ordered the eviscerated mouse carcass?"

'His claim to fame is that he's carbon-neutral.'

"But I ordered vegetarian..."

'The sign means; 'all you can eat' from your plate.'