Playful Diner Gifts

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"For drinks or dinner?"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"What fly?"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"You need a hobby."

"Guac-A-Mole"