Chatty Diner Gifts

'His claim to fame is that he's carbon-neutral.'

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

"What fly?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"Yes, I'm still working on it."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."