Witty Diner Gifts

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"How can you be out of wings?"

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

Man finds a python in his breakfast egg

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'What the devil is that?' - 'I don't know, I haven't named it yet.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

I recommend the ketchup.

" 'Tonight's Specials,' a poem."

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"The chef said all the regular stuff is as special as it's going to get today."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

Slow food.

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"What kind of mod are you in? Sit Down or All You Can Eat From The Trough?"

How to sell healthy food...

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

"Tonight, I feel like eating something controversial."

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'