Fun-loving Diner Gifts

"I'm sorry, sir. That's the children's menu."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"What fly?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

Sorry, that's probably one of mine.

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

"Guac-A-Mole"

"Yes, I'm still working on it."