Comical Diner Gifts

"But I ordered vegetarian..."

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"The usual."

"What fly?"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"Freshly ground Ozempic?"

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"What kind of mod are you in? Sit Down or All You Can Eat From The Trough?"

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"Yes sir, this is half a steak. The guest who had it yesterday wasn't very hungry."

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

The food was nice...but something was missing.

'Sorry, smile's off...'

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'