Comical Diner T-Shirts

"But I ordered vegetarian..."

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"The usual."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"What fly?"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

"Freshly ground Ozempic?"

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"Yes sir, this is half a steak. The guest who had it yesterday wasn't very hungry."

"What kind of mod are you in? Sit Down or All You Can Eat From The Trough?"

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

The food was nice...but something was missing.

'Sorry, smile's off...'

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"We've got 749 cookbooks...why are we eating cheese on toast?"