Ironical Diner Gifts

'The food's pretty bad here, but we make up for it with especially large portions.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"For drinks or dinner?"

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"Dinner looks delicious."

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

Man eating his meal with his feet.

Road Kill Cafe.