Ironic Dining Gifts

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"For drinks or dinner?"

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Hudson River Crouton

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

"Freshly ground Ozempic?"

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

The food was nice...but something was missing.

"Yes sir, this is half a steak. The guest who had it yesterday wasn't very hungry."

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'