Ironic Gourmet Gifts

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Hudson River Crouton

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"Would you like an earnest tone with your lentils?"

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"May I recommend Deborah, she has a perfect blend of Merlot and chocolate."

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

"Their food is supposed to be fabulous."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

"I like my steak well done."

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

Cat eating fish from fishbowl.

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

"It's made with real angel hair."

Stand back - while I whip something up

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

Chinese Novel Cookie

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"All I've got left is smoked."

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

Salvador Deli

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

"Just picking up some Super Bowl provisions."

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'How come you never bring meatballs?'

Picasso paints AND eats like a child!

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"