Ironic Dinner Host Gifts

"We would LOVE to have you for dinner!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"My bouche was not amused."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"Knife...fork..."

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

Wegovy diet drug

"...and you!? Did you like yours?"

"Freshly ground Ozempic?"

'We're very on-the-hoof, of the moment kind of people - would it be possible to dine off Styrofoam?'

The food was nice...but something was missing.

"Yes sir, this is half a steak. The guest who had it yesterday wasn't very hungry."

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

'Venison steaks for a year! Now, Mikey will tell you the bad news.'

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

'We had that last night.'

"... And would sir like a straw with that?"

Sunday Roast.

"Sorry, Damocles - at out dinner parties we always sit boy, girl, boy, girl."

'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'

"We're gonna need a bigger gravy boat!"