Dinner Party Satirist Gifts

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"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Gesundheit!"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"A little lamb please."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"What do you mean, where's your order? Can't you see we're just starting to really cook?"

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"Appetizer is almost done."

"One medium rare and one with honey."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Well, you did say 'well done', Sir!'

"Stop right there. Some things we know without being told...like the benefits of scraping your tongue."

"The origin of the first joke... Waiter, there's a fly in my primordial soup."

'Side dishes? No, we find our carrion entrees are satisfying enough.'