Dinner Party Comedian Gifts

"I have more underneath."

'I didn't know Republicans had such good taste!'

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

'We had that last night.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Gesundheit!"

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"A little lamb please."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"What do you mean, where's your order? Can't you see we're just starting to really cook?"

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

"Appetizer is almost done."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"One medium rare and one with honey."

"The origin of the first joke... Waiter, there's a fly in my primordial soup."

"Stop right there. Some things we know without being told...like the benefits of scraping your tongue."

"Be careful — these plates are hot."

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."