Dinner Table Comedian Gifts

'And we also thank the FDA for this genetically engineered food.'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'If I'm not mistaken; aren't these the left-overs from last night's left-overs, from...'

'At least the turkey's dressed.'

Wife - 'It's from an old family recipe' Husband (in his head) - 'All deceased no doubt!'.

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

'I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals - I'm a vegetarin because I hate plants.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

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"Knife...fork..."

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

Today's special - Ox tail soup.