Dinner Table Comedian Pillows

'And we also thank the FDA for this genetically engineered food.'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'If I'm not mistaken; aren't these the left-overs from last night's left-overs, from...'

'At least the turkey's dressed.'

Wife - 'It's from an old family recipe' Husband (in his head) - 'All deceased no doubt!'.

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

'I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals - I'm a vegetarin because I hate plants.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"You folks like a little something?"

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'We had that last night.'

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

'Can you recommend something good that won't look too fattening to passers-by?'