Dinner Table Satirist Pillows

'I love these intimate dinners. Don't you?'

'Your French dip, sir.'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

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'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"Knife...fork..."

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

"... And would sir like a straw with that?"

'If I'm not mistaken; aren't these the left-overs from last night's left-overs, from...'

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

"Ryan, are you giving your vegetables to the Roomba again?"

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."