Dinner Table Jokester Pillows

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"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

Onion operation.

International House of Excrement

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

'Can't we have something other than curry for a change?'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"Honey, will you text grace, please?"

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

"Knife...fork..."

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

"The trick to this particular dish is not letting your mother mess it up."

'Waiter there is a candlestick in my soup!'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"I think it's the spoon you want, I'm a confirmed spatula."

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'Do you have anything that looks like a cantaloupe but tastes like a cheesecake?'

"Your husband's pot roast is heavenly. It takes an eternity to chew it."

'Blackened Fish: Cook until the smoke detector goes off.'

"Can I get you your bill sir?"

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'