Dinner Table Hilarity Pillows

'Why don't you just give Grandpa a spoon?'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

Please visit www.frtn_cookie.com.

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'What's the special?'

"Slop again?!"

'If I'm not mistaken; aren't these the left-overs from last night's left-overs, from...'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

'Tom Jones is still my favorite movie. It has the most explicit eating.'

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

"Ryan, are you giving your vegetables to the Roomba again?"

"What's the Chef's Surprise Sir? Well, he's VERY surprised his kitchen has just survived a visit from the Government Food and Hygiene Inspector!"

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

'Eat your vegetables, or you'll go mad like your father!'

If I don't make a sound, he won't notice.

'Must this family always talk sports at the dinner table?'

Chicken running out of restaurant, waiter: "Err, chickens off"